Change takes time: why setbacks are part of it and a regular check-in helps

Once you have recognised an inner pattern, you often wish that would be the end of it. But insight is the beginning, not the end. Between “Now I understand why I react this way” and “I react differently” lie weeks, sometimes months, with good days and with setbacks. This article shows what research knows about that path and how to walk it well.

What inner conflicts are is explained in our article Inner conflicts, and how they can be resolved in Resolving inner conflicts. This one is about the time after: patience, energy and keeping at it.

Change is not linear

For a long time, psychotherapy research assumed that change happens steadily and in a straight line. Closer measurement paints a different picture¹. Some people make a clear leap forward between two sessions that lasts. Others go through phases where things temporarily feel harder before they get better, for example when they deliberately face something they have avoided for a long time¹.

In everyday life this means: if things feel more unsettled after an important insight, that is not a sign that something is going wrong. Leaving a familiar pattern means entering unfamiliar ground. That takes energy and often feels uncertain at first.

How long does it take?

A classic 1986 study by Howard and colleagues found that progress in psychotherapy comes quickly at first and more slowly later. About half of clients showed measurable improvement after eight sessions, and around three quarters after 26 sessions². A large study in routine care with more than 6,000 clients confirmed this curve: much moves early on, then it slows down. Those who stayed longer reached a clear improvement more often².

New habits take time too. In a widely cited study from University College London, 82 people practised a new behaviour every day. Until it felt automatic took 66 days on average, ranging from 18 to an estimated 254 days depending on the person and the behaviour. Missing a single day had little effect, while many missed days did³.

The good news: it is normal for it to take longer than expected. And it does not have to be perfect.

Readiness is not a switch

The transtheoretical model by Prochaska and colleagues describes change as a sequence of stages: from “I don’t see a problem yet” through “I’m thinking about it” and “I’m getting ready” to “I’m acting” and “I’m keeping it up”. A meta-analysis of 76 studies with almost 26,000 people showed that how far someone had come at the start was linked to the later outcome (d = 0.41)⁴.

That leads to something reassuring: someone who is still weighing things up is not “unmotivated” but at a different point on the path. Good support meets people where they are instead of pushing them.

Setbacks: a slip is not a relapse

How people deal with setbacks has been studied especially well in research on addictive behaviour. The model of the American psychologist G. Alan Marlatt distinguishes between a single slip (a lapse) and a genuine relapse into old patterns⁵. Whether one turns into the other depends strongly on how the slip is interpreted. People who see it as proof of personal failure (“I just have no willpower”) are more likely to give up altogether. People who understand it as the result of a specific, difficult situation can learn from it and prepare better⁵. Marlatt therefore explicitly describes lapses as learning opportunities⁵.

The principle transfers well to inner patterns. If you slip back into your old role during an argument, you are not back at zero. It is information: in which situation does it happen, what was the trigger, what do you need next time?

A series of four experiments from Berkeley fits this well. People who treated themselves kindly after a mistake were more motivated to improve than people who only boosted their self-esteem. After failing a test, for example, they studied longer for the second attempt⁶. So self-compassion does not make you complacent. It helps you keep going after a setback.

Where am I? Why taking stock helps

A meta-analysis in Psychological Bulletin covering 138 studies reached a clear conclusion: people who are prompted to review their progress regularly are more likely to reach their goals (d = 0.40). The effect was stronger when progress was written down or shared with others⁷.

In psychotherapy, too, the principle is used more and more. Many therapists regularly ask how their clients are doing and use that feedback to guide the work. A meta-analysis of 58 studies with almost 22,000 people found a small but reliable benefit: slightly better outcomes and fewer drop-outs⁸. In the German-speaking world, the Trier-based psychotherapy researcher Wolfgang Lutz has helped shape research on the course of change and on feedback, including the study on the course of change mentioned above². To be honest about it: the effect is small, and it was studied in therapy, not in apps. But the direction is clear.

A good check-in does not need spreadsheets. Three questions are often enough:

• Where am I right now? Not compared with others, but with yourself a few weeks ago.
• Where do I want to go? Does my goal still fit, or has something shifted?
• What have I already achieved? Small steps count too, especially when things feel slow.

Our ideas for MindMotion

MindMotion is not therapy and does not offer it. The app is a tool for psychological self-reflection, closer to coaching. From the findings above we derive ideas meant to help you keep going on your path. Much of this is planned and will be tested with users.

• The weekly check-in. Once a week, the three questions: where am I, where do I want to go, what have I already achieved? In two minutes, by dictation if you like.
• Your Balance over time. Instead of a daily score, the app shows the trend over weeks. A bad day hardly counts, and a slow upward trend becomes visible.
• Looking back in your own words. After a few weeks, the app shows you how you described your conflict at the start. That makes progress tangible that easily gets lost in daily life.
• Setbacks without judgement. When you log a slip, the app asks about the situation and the trigger and helps you plan for next time. No red cross, no lost streak.
• Energy check. On days with little energy, the app suggests smaller Moves. Keeping at it matters more than speed.
• Adjusting goals. In the check-in you can adjust your weekly goal if it is too big, too small or no longer the right one.
• A bridge when things stall. If nothing moves for a long time or you feel clearly worse, the app says so openly and shows you where to find professional support.

Why the relationship matters in digital support too is the topic of our article Relationship first. And if you want to see where you stand right now, try the Mind-Check.